I used to really like reading your blog, correction, I still do! But nowadays each time I visit it I find myself worrying about what I might read, which of the 'you's are actually referring to me.

I am sorry for the countless number of times I have pangseh-ed. To pangseh someone for no good reason is not something I would do. THAT IS NOT ME. When I do pangseh, I genuinely have good reasons, not because I am tired or something (I would still go even if I'm sick) but when family things or other non-missable appts crop up. Hence sometimes I really wonder why i am even feeling guilty about this, why i try to apologise but no one really gets it or tries seeing it from my point of view. I'm tired of always giving way to others until it's ?! to a point, sometimes i need someone to understand my pov too. I'm not GOD i have feelings and difficulties and i just can't please everybody. HAVE YOU TRIED SEEING IT FROM MY POINT OF VIEW? HAVEN'T YOU PANGSEHED BEFORE BECAUSE YOU HAD A GOOD REASON? what if others got angry at you for that, huh?

I am not trying to push the blame here or absolve myself from this sin which I have committed countless number of times. I think perhaps, it's me trying to please everybody. I love my friends, and I find it very hard to say 'no' when you or anyone else asks me if I'm free on this day/that day to do this and that, so I would normally think positive and say YUPP i'm free and then inform him/her later if I'm not free.

After being called a pangseher n number of times, and being chided so many times for this, I now realise this is not the way to go. And I have learnt my lesson.

That being said, that is the only thing I'm sorry for - for being too quick to say yes and deprive you of other plans you could have made.

For all the times I have pangsehed everyone and you in particular, I am truly sorry.

I don't want to rant anymore. I just hope that after these 3 years since we first befriended each other, you know me. You know me well enough to be able to conclude that I'm not one who will pangseh my friend for no good reason, just because I can sleep in, or because I have other friends to spend my time with. Well enough to know how much you mean to me, that I'm not lying or making empty promises when I say things like 'I'll always be there for you'. I'm trying my best here.

I need you to know that.